I went through DECADES of not knowing if I had any appropriate business positioning myself as part of L+G / LGBT / LGBTQ (it changed over time as you'll recall) community. I knew I was different and I had my own descriptive terms for it, but they weren't being used by others who were already presenting as part of that group and I didn't know if I'd be welcome. (Identical questions as far as being part of the feminist community, by the way — when does "being in a similar situation with similar concerns" equate to "one of us"?).

I *tend* to think that anyone questioning for very long is only questioning because there's some fundamental sense of difference from the orientation / gender mainstream. The person may keep considering various MOGII identities and shaking their head and saying "nope, that's still not it, it's something else" but their questioning implies that they started out shaking their head and saying that very thing about being cis / het / endosex mainstream.