Mod Post: The Place of Cisgender Allo-Hetero Perisex People in Queerly Beloved

[soc_puppet]

Something I've been mulling over since Queerly Beloved's inception:

If we accept questioning people (and my conscience says we must), then we also need to accept that some of them might find the answer is they're not queer/LGBTQIAP+. It's rare, I know, especially for folks who spend a good amount of time asking themselves, but they do exist. What happens when to them? I don't want to kick them out of a community where they've found support that they need, and especially where they can potentially support others as well; if they stay, how might their role in the community change?

After long consideration, I have some potential guidelines to propose; they are currently open to community members for commentary and input:

Cisgender allo-hetero perisex people are allowed, but should not make any post all about themselves unless they have actual, first-hand lived experience with an issue. Examples include questioning one's gender and/or sexuality, and supporting a queer/LGBTQIAP+ loved one, especially where any of these intersect with other marginalizations. Queer/LGBTQIAP+ voices are still to be prioritized on queer/LGBTQIAP+ issues.

This should allow anyone who has discovered that they're cis allo-het and presumed perisex to continue to support the community, as well as solidifying a place for other allies, while still prioritizing queer/LGBTQIAP+ people. However, there may still be some things that I'm missing or haven't thought of. Do any of you have any input on this proposed policy?

Edit: There's already a lot of good discussion in the comments section, proving that yes, I definitely didn't think of everything! I wanted to say thank you to everyone who's added something so far, and I promise I'm reading, I'm just also a teensy bit foggy at the moment. Please continue to share your insights and constructive criticism, and together we can try and find a good balance for community policy 👍

Comments

[duskpeterson]

In the 1970s, I realized I was bi. Back then, there was no LGBTQ community; there was only the gay and lesbian community. A number of gay authors assured me that there was no such thing as a bisexual. All the way up through the twenty-first century, I kept encountering queer groups that excluded bi people.

In the 1990s, I realized I was nonbinary (or "bi-gender," as I called it back then). That concept didn't yet exist in the queer world. So I was denied membership in a trans support group, just when I needed support most.

In the 2010s, I realized I was grey-asexual. Last I heard, there are still a considerable number of people in the queer community who deny that asexuals are queer and who try to prevent them from marching in Pride parades.

I think it's quite legitimate for any community to say what type of communication they consider acceptable - for example, requiring that communication be focussed on queer experiences. But I believe that monitoring members' *identities* is a slippery slope that leads to hell. Personally, I am not all keen on queer groups that try to keep out or silence the people whom they consider to be non-queer. Queer is an ever-evolving concept.